Did I get your attention?
Let me begin by saying my own marriage is inextricably linked to my spiritual
path and whatever growth towards divine wisdom and love has unfolded in forty
years of marriage is due in no small part to the love, loyalty, perseverance and
divine attunement of my wife.
For this my gratitude knows no bounds. The high bar of high ideals in daily
life and unconditional, divine love in marriage are, however, more than a
little daunting and I make no personal claims beyond my gratitude for the
opportunity to change and grow, however slowly.
Who can deny the depth
of human desire for love? Is not so much of history, drama, literature, and
daily life imbued with its impulses? Deep though it be, we are taught that its
depth is depthless, for it is rooted in the memory of perfect, unconditional
divine love. It can never be permanently extinguished. It can only be perfected
in union with God, the source of all love.
So embedded is the human
desire, that even those whose own marriage is less than successful will shed a
tear or two at a wedding of the younger generation. Or gaze longingly at the
beauty and charm of youth, sex, and romance.
Despite the obvious
mundane-ness of marriage in daily life; despite the arguments, the gradual loss
of beauty, dignity, and mutual respect; the cross over of boundaries, demands,
and selfishness; it is truly astonishing that such an "institution"
should remain with us. Modern culture and mores no longer insist upon formal
marriage yet it persists.
Paramhansa Yogananda
used to wax a bit skeptical in the face of those who sigh longingly at the
image and fantasy of forever romance. In his day (1920's and 1930's when
divorce was beginning to be more common), he described American marriages as
too often a marriage between "a pretty shade of lipstick and a bow
tie!" (Meaning: a case of superficial attraction).
Swami Kriyananda often
described marriage as an enormous "compromise of the ideal of
unconditional love." "No two people could possibly be all and all for
one another unless they each were impossibly dull or stupid."
"Best of
friends" -- yes, ok, for sure. But today, Valentine's Day, we contemplate
romance.
Marriage even by the
force of nature begins with attraction, romance and sex, then moves to having
children, a mortgage, bountiful troubles of innumerable kinds, and, if it
survives all that, smooths over towards a wonderful friendship: and that's if
it goes well. Most do not. Or, from what I keep hearing: half do not!
But as Yogananda put it,
"Those who have to marry by compulsion of desire will have to experience
disillusionment until someday (one assumes this requires countless lifetimes)
the desire fades away."
On the
long journey from desire to dharma, which is to say from subconscious
compulsions to maturity, one's relationships change accordingly.
Disillusionment is insufficient grounds for soul liberation. The
"take-away" must be balanced by a "take-up": love for God,
increasing in both intensity and purity.
Our souls are neither
male nor female. Our souls are "sparks" of the Infinite Flame of
unconditional love. As St. Augustine put it, "Our hearts are restless
until they rest in Thee."
Most people (say, what,
98%?) should marry. As St. Paul put it (somewhat crudely), "Better to
marry than to burn." Why, well, just look at the unremitting parade of
scandals from religious circles to Hollywood Bowl: testimony to the power of
attraction and consequence of both suppression and indulgence.
When respect,
moderation, and high ideals enfold a couple like a cocoon of Light at the Altar
of Friendship, then they will nurture their love to grow towards the perfect
love of God.
On this Valentine's
Day it would be appropriate to affirm the ideal of divine love. To see in one
another the Divine Presence of Father or Mother or Divine Beloved.
Divine Mother is the
Cupid who instills in our hearts a "shot" of Her unconditional and
eternal love. Her arrow, straight from the heart of eternity, can remind us,
too, to be a straight "shooter," seeking Her love alone, even if also
through those who love us and those to whom we are naturally attracted.
It is God's love that
has been made manifest in the impulse for human love. When we forget that, we
will suffer the inexorable law of karma, duality, and separateness.
We are compelled by the
law of karma to seek to manifest and perfect human love until it becomes the
perfect love of God.
We cannot achieve God's
love if we cannot love and be loved by others.
Let, then, Divine Mother
be our Valentine!
"May Thy love shine
forever on the sanctuary of my devotion!"
Swami Hrimananda
