Monday, October 15, 2018

Family Opposition to your Spiritual Path

“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.” Theodore “Teddy” Roosevelt, 26th President of the United States (from 1901 to 1909).

Or, to quote Paramhansa Yogananda (author of the popular spiritual classic, "Autobiography of a Yogi"), “An easy life is not a victorious life.”

Most of us won’t have our personal victories chronicled in a movie, book, or news article but all of us face challenges which, for us, are sufficient “unto the day” to test our commitment to our spiritual ideals and practices. Maybe it is the discipline to get up the morning early enough to meditate; or, to be kind instead of cold to another person; to be positive when our inclination is to be grumpy or to gossip.

For those whose spirituality has turned toward the east, towards yoga and meditation, or towards discipleship to a guru, we often encounter resistance, displeasure, doubt or sarcasm from our family and friends. Some of this might exist even if our spirituality were to have taken a more orthodox form but certainly it is true for people such as followers of Paramhansa Yogananda.

Resistance to the spiritual life comes from a lot more than just a family member. This resistance exists in our own ego and subconscious mind as well as in the minds of others. More than this, even, is the overarching, cosmic impulse toward separation from God which is called many things: maya, delusion, or the satanic force. 

But as it relates to those close to us, to what extent for the sake of harmony should we bow to their displeasure and rein in the time we devote to spiritual practices or participation? 

Jesus Christ (no stranger to opposition) has something to say on this question. He gave to us this counsel:
Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.
And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.
He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.
He that findeth [that is to say, that clingeth to] his life shall lose it: and he that loseth [in other words, that giveth up] his life for my sake shall find it. (Matthew 10:34-39)

I don’t think it gets clearer than this. However, not every seeker or devotee possesses the same commitment to the spiritual path and thus, in actual practice, each must find his or her own way on this issue. We want to be long-distance spiritual runners, on the one hand, and at the same time, we love, respect, and seek to be loyal to our nearest and dearest. If reason alone could persuade them of acceptance of your inspiration and spiritual life that would be lovely but I know from experience that it is often not that simple. 

Trying to convince another person of the validity and power of one's newly acquired spirituality can almost always be depended upon to backfire. The fact hasn't stopped far too many initiates from trying this well worn but weed-infested path. I personally was spared this all-too-frequent temptation but many of my friends succumbed. It would be sometimes years before the subject could ever broached again.

Besides, religion, along with sex, money, in-laws, food and child-raising, is among the most taboo or difficult topics to broach between spouses or close friends. 

But the principle of standing firm on one's spiritual path remains valid even if how, when, and to what extent to do so remains very individual. It is worth saying, and this entire article is an admission of it, such opposition is a personal test for many, many devotees. Until our soul awakens us to the earnestness of our search, we might falsely imagine our spiritual life is simply another form of being a "weekend warrior." "Magnetism is the law" and the company we keep largely determines the direction of our soul's journey. Can the devotee continue to meet his drinking buddies at the bar and then head off to group meditation? Hmmm, think again! 

If for you, the accommodations you must make to the opinions of others seem stifling to you right now, I suggest you seek wise counsel but remember the adage that “patience is the quickest way to God.” How often have I seen that in time and with patience (and steadfastly walking the inner path), it is the loved one who comes ‘round to an acceptance of one’s spiritual path and practices? But this won't happen if your own commitment to the spiritual path is wishy-washy. They will only respect you if you are loyal to your own principles.  

If this is your test, are you patient? Or, are you a “pleaser” or perhaps even a coward? Or, are you judgmental and defiant? Maybe your commitment to the spiritual path is, itself, lukewarm, or plagued with doubts? Only your backbone knows! There is no rule except your own conscience. But hold fast to the need for firmness, courage and commitment and know that your own attachment to the opinions of others or fear of their displeasure is your own spiritual test. Not to deal with it is to create a block to your spiritual growth. 

May I suggest an experiment? In order to see which end of the spectrum between patience and courage you need to work on, try carefully choosing occasions to calmly, kindly, and lovingly assert your need to engage in your spiritual practices or life! (including satsang, retreat, pilgrimage, service, etc.).

Then, observe your reaction and that also of the other person. If you are nervous and fearful, you may need to be more courageous. If in response to your assertion, the other person refuses to acknowledge your need, and anger arises within you, you may need to work on patience.  

Generally, when your assertion is centered in deep calmness and righteousness, you’ll find approval or, in the case of rejection, you’ll remain calm (but not indifferent) regardless of whether you proceed or back down. 

But heed this warning: don't excuse your own lack of courage or commitment to your spiritual path with the claim that familial harmony is the higher priority or dharma. In most circumstances, it IS the priority but, to quote the scriptures of India, "When a higher dharma conflicts with a lower dharma, the lower ceases to be dharma."

In such a case the "dharma" includes your opportunity to be strong in yourself in walking your spiritual path but without being antagonistic or resentful toward the other. The harmony sought is first and foremost an inner harmony and only secondarily an outer one (which circumstances and karma may sometimes render impossible). We can't nor should we control how other people receive our sincere and pure intentions.

Is it possible that the conflict might justify ending the relationship? This question is too delicate to answer even in generalities in an article like this. But it certainly CAN be a justification. For such a question you need competent and wise spiritual counsel (and not just psychological counsel).

In all cases, strive to see the divine presence in others, even those who might oppose your spiritual efforts. See in them not their egoity but their shining souls within. Similarly, rise above familial attachment as in the thought “you are mine” in favor of “We are each a child of God, made in the divine image. We are God serving God” walking the path of life toward truth, each in our own, unique way. Whether you need more courage or more patience, either way, your loved one acts as an instrument of the divine will because, either way, the test is yours. (It is also theirs but you should respect their free will to deal with it in their way.) 
Victory requires the courage of conviction!

Joy to you,
Swami Hrimananda