“Nothing in the world is worth having or
worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life
envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people
who led difficult lives and led them well.” Theodore “Teddy” Roosevelt,
26th President of the United States (from 1901 to 1909).
Or, to quote Paramhansa Yogananda (author
of the popular spiritual classic, "Autobiography of a Yogi"), “An
easy life is not a victorious life.”
Most of us won’t have our personal
victories chronicled in a movie, book, or news article but all of us face
challenges which, for us, are sufficient “unto the day” to test our commitment
to our spiritual ideals and practices. Maybe it is the discipline to get up the
morning early enough to meditate; or, to be kind instead of cold to another
person; to be positive when our inclination is to be grumpy or to gossip.
For those whose spirituality has turned
toward the east, towards yoga and meditation, or towards discipleship to a
guru, we often encounter resistance, displeasure, doubt or sarcasm from our
family and friends. Some of this might exist even if our spirituality were to
have taken a more orthodox form but certainly it is true for people such as
followers of Paramhansa Yogananda.
Resistance to the spiritual life comes
from a lot more than just a family member. This resistance exists in our own
ego and subconscious mind as well as in the minds of others. More than this,
even, is the overarching, cosmic impulse toward separation from God which is
called many things: maya, delusion,
or the satanic force.
But as it relates to those close to us, to
what extent for the sake of harmony should we bow to their displeasure and rein
in the time we devote to spiritual practices or participation?
Jesus Christ (no stranger to opposition)
has something to say on this question. He gave to us this counsel:
Think not that I am come to
send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
For I am come to set a man at
variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the
daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.
And a man’s foes shall be they
of his own household.
He that loveth father or
mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter
more than me is not worthy of me.
And he that taketh not his
cross, and followeth after me, is
not worthy of me.
He that findeth [that is
to say, that clingeth to] his life shall lose it: and he that
loseth [in other words, that giveth up] his life for my sake shall
find it. (Matthew 10:34-39)
I don’t think it gets clearer than this.
However, not every seeker or devotee possesses the same commitment to the
spiritual path and thus, in actual practice, each must find his or her own way
on this issue. We want to be long-distance spiritual runners, on the one hand,
and at the same time, we love, respect, and seek to be loyal to our nearest and
dearest. If reason alone could persuade them of acceptance of your inspiration
and spiritual life that would be lovely but I know from experience that it is
often not that simple.
Trying to convince another person of the validity and power of one's newly
acquired spirituality can almost always be depended upon to backfire. The fact
hasn't stopped far too many initiates from trying this well worn but
weed-infested path. I personally was spared this all-too-frequent temptation
but many of my friends succumbed. It would be sometimes years before the
subject could ever broached again.
Besides, religion, along with sex, money,
in-laws, food and child-raising, is among the most taboo or difficult topics to
broach between spouses or close friends.
But the principle of standing firm on
one's spiritual path remains valid even if how, when, and to what extent to do
so remains very individual. It is worth saying, and this entire article is an
admission of it, such opposition is a personal test for many, many devotees.
Until our soul awakens us to the earnestness of our search, we might falsely
imagine our spiritual life is simply another form of being a "weekend
warrior." "Magnetism is the law" and the company we keep
largely determines the direction of our soul's journey. Can the devotee
continue to meet his drinking buddies at the bar and then head off to group
meditation? Hmmm, think again!
If for you, the accommodations you must
make to the opinions of others seem stifling to you right now, I suggest you
seek wise counsel but remember the adage that “patience is the quickest way to
God.” How often have I seen that in time and with patience (and steadfastly
walking the inner path), it is the loved one who comes ‘round to an acceptance
of one’s spiritual path and practices? But this won't happen if your own
commitment to the spiritual path is wishy-washy. They will only respect you if
you are loyal to your own principles.
If this is your test, are you patient? Or,
are you a “pleaser” or perhaps even a coward? Or, are you judgmental and
defiant? Maybe your commitment to the spiritual path is, itself, lukewarm, or
plagued with doubts? Only your backbone knows! There is no rule except your own
conscience. But hold fast to the need for firmness, courage and commitment and
know that your own attachment to the opinions of others or fear of their
displeasure is your own spiritual test. Not to deal with it is to create a
block to your
spiritual growth.
May I suggest an experiment? In order to see which end of the spectrum between
patience and courage you need to work on, try carefully choosing occasions to
calmly, kindly, and lovingly assert your need to engage in your spiritual
practices or life! (including satsang,
retreat, pilgrimage, service, etc.).
Then, observe your reaction and that also
of the other person. If you are nervous and fearful, you may need to be more
courageous. If in response to your assertion, the other person refuses to
acknowledge your need, and anger arises within you, you may need to work on
patience.
Generally, when your assertion is centered in
deep calmness and righteousness, you’ll find approval or, in the case of rejection,
you’ll remain calm (but not indifferent) regardless of whether you proceed or
back down.
But heed this warning: don't excuse your
own lack of courage or commitment to your spiritual path with the claim that
familial harmony is the higher priority or dharma. In most circumstances, it IS
the priority but, to quote the scriptures of India, "When a higher dharma
conflicts with a lower dharma, the lower ceases to be dharma."
In such a case the "dharma" includes your opportunity to be strong in
yourself in walking your spiritual path but without being antagonistic or
resentful toward the other. The harmony sought is first and foremost an inner
harmony and only secondarily an outer one (which circumstances and karma may
sometimes render impossible). We can't nor should we control how other people
receive our sincere and pure intentions.
Is it possible that the conflict might
justify ending the relationship? This question is too delicate to answer even
in generalities in an article like this. But it certainly CAN be a
justification. For such a question you need competent and wise spiritual
counsel (and not just psychological counsel).
In all cases, strive to see the divine
presence in others, even those who might oppose your spiritual efforts. See in them
not their egoity but their shining souls within. Similarly, rise above familial
attachment as in the thought “you are mine” in favor of
“We are each a child of God, made in the divine image. We are God serving God”
walking the path of life toward truth, each in our own, unique way. Whether you
need more courage or more patience, either way, your loved one acts as an
instrument of the divine will because, either way, the test is yours. (It is
also theirs but you should respect their free will to deal with it in their
way.)
Victory requires the courage of conviction!
Joy to you,
Swami Hrimananda