Do You Have a Soulmate?
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| Photo by Ryan Holloway on Unsplash |
My wife, Padma and I just celebrated our forty-fifth wedding anniversary. Soul mates? Almost everyone uses the term in respect to marital relationships even if it is unclear where the term came from. The internet says the poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge first used the term in the English language in a letter he wrote in 1822 on the subject how to have a happy married life. His, however, was not a happy marriage because the woman he first loved married someone else. Carl Jung also mentioned the possibility of a soul-mate “somewhere in the upper world.”
Plato, some say, quoted Aristophanes in his text Symposium for the reasons behind the human yearning for a soulmate. Others say that it was Aristophanes who explained the origin for our yearning for a soulmate. Evidently the story goes like this: the great god Zeus split humans with four arms and legs and two heads apart from their other half because he was jealous of the happy, united and courageous humans.
In the teachings of India, there is the Ardhanarishvara, a depiction of Shiva and Parvati as half man and half woman. But maybe this doesn't suggest the concept of soulmates but a depiction of the genderless nature of our soul. But no matter because there’s no point my arguing with the all but universal interpretation of the soulmate concept as that of the perfect union of male and female.
The are variations on the use of term soulmates ranging from a red-hot romance to an eternal bond. The latter concept goes something like this: each of us, as a soul, has a twin soul: our other half, as it were, which was formed at the birth of our creation long ago and at which time we were separated from one another. (Never mind "why!") Our soul's goal, then, is to find and reunite with our twin or half-soul. This explanation requires the concept of of reincarnation. Accordingly, at some point in our own soul’s evolution we must encounter our soul mate in order to achieve complete fulfillment and final liberation from delusion.
In the book “The Life Everlasting” by Marie Corelli we find a famous and popular fiction novel about the spiritual love between two people, a man and a woman. Swami Kriyananda, a direct disciple of Paramhansa Yogananda, stated that this novel was the only book of its kind that Yogananda read. Not satisfied, however, with the overly romantic aspects of this story of soul mates, Swami Kriyananda actually re-wrote the story placing it on a higher plane than romance.[1]
Yogananda touched upon the soul mate concept in his talks and writings, but only lightly. He acknowledged the precept but insisted it was not a romantic relationship but a relationship between two half souls or twins. This of course flies in the face of the common usage of the term.
Gender was, he said, irrelevant. Even the physical location is not so important given, as he stated, that soul mates could be on different planets and find each other in their etheric forms. He evidently felt to acknowledge the validity of the concept but thought to correct its popular romantic interpretation.
But before I dismiss the romantic version, I, being committed to the mantra BOTH-AND, will state simply that the traditional and almost entirely universal attraction between male and female is at least an example of the impulse humans have, deeply embedded, to seek their mate. I say this without cynicism and without the need to affirm its lowest common denominators, procreation or sexual attraction. In the lives of humans, the interplay, indeed almost necessity, for male and female to help one another is obvious, necessary and genuinely creative. It cannot be so easily dismissed. I would simply say, for now, that the attraction between male and female hints at the deeper truth of soul-attraction. Those romanticists who seek to justify their relationships on the basis of having found their soul mates: well, let them have their day. For it is how they feel, at least for a time! What I feel this points to is the sacredness and importance of friendship. Human friendship could be seen as a precursor to the more permanent fulfillment implied by the idea of soul mates.
The soul, however, is without gender: this is explicit or implicit in the teachings of East and West.[2] One’s soul mate, therefore, must surely offer us a necessary balancing of soul qualities, not physical or egoic qualities. What humans experience on those levels is, as I said above, merely a precursor, or hint, of the deeper need for balance and for the possible truth that each of us, in our soul nature, has a soul friend whom we are seeking in order to achieve fulfillment on the highest level of manifested consciousness.
Moving away, then, from romantic and egoic attractions, I have noticed that in the lives of saints we sometimes find a saint who has a brother or sister saint, co-equal or even one who is in the shadows. The companion saint is one who makes it possible for the saint to achieve the goal of his/her incarnation. Examples are many and might include: St. Francis and St. Clare; St. John of the Cross and Saint Teresa of Avila; Paramhansa Yogananda and Rajarshi Janakananda; Babaji and Lahiri Mahasaya; Yogananda and Swami Sri Yukteswar; Ramakrishna Paramhansa and Swami Vivekananda; Krishna and Arjuna; Rama and Sita; Jesus and John the Baptist; Ramana Maharshi and Sri Rama Yogi. My selection of possible pairs may be imperfect but curious nonetheless.
I assume the greatest saints, the avatars or saviors, are lacking nothing in soul-fulfillment but when they return to human form they may be accompanied by their soulmate in order to fulfill their divine mission.
Going back to our roots in lower life forms, we see how plants and animals help each other in a variety of ways. We also see that some animals mate for life.
On the highest level wherein the soul merges into God it would be fair to say that our true soulmate is God: the divine intelligence, energy and bliss beyond all created spheres.
Following Yogananda’s seeming reticence to speak at any length on this subject, his disciple and greatest public proponent of Yogananda’s teachings, Swami Kriyananda, counseled that one should not go looking for one’s soulmate. Instead, he suggested that a devotee seek liberation in God through the guidance of one’s sat (true) guru. In so doing, the question of finding one’s soul mate would be left to the divine will. This seems to me to be a wise and practical suggestion. So long as we are still enmeshed in our own karma and are still influenced by our egoic karma, our soul's ability to recognize our soulmate is compromised.Just as on the path to God we may have many teachers, so on the path to freedom we may have many friends and helpmates. The recognition of that one who is our soulmate may be best left to the time when we have achieved or come close to soul liberation and thus have the eyes to see the truth that shall make us free.
A possible lesson behind this idea of our having a soul mate is a reminder to treat all others as soul friends for indeed in God we are that! There is a footnote in Yogananda’s “Autobiography of a Yogi” quoting Buddha saying that the reason to love everyone is because “in the very numerous and varied lifespans of each man, every other being has at one time or another been dear to him.”
In conclusion: the concept of soul mate is interesting but has very little practical application to our lives. Best to seek the unconditional love and wisdom of God, and let the details work themselves out from there.
Blessings and joy to you!
Swami Hrimananda
[1] See the book, Love Perfected, Life Divine by Swami Kriyananda. Crystal Clarity Publishers.
[2] In the New Testament Jesus is asked what happens after death if a woman had been married several times on earth: which husband would she be with in heaven? Jesus dismissed the question essentially as nonsense saying there is no marriage in heaven. This implies the genderless nature of the soul (at least to my way of thinking).
