Monday, February 27, 2012

How to Love Another without Attachment

Last week at each (separate) session of the Raja Yoga Intensive that I teach, I was asked “What does it mean to love another person ‘without attachment’?”

A very good question, indeed. For the record, we’ve been studying the first two stages on the 8-Fold Path toward enlightenment (as described in the famous Yoga Sutras by the sage Patanjali). The first two stages outline something often described in short-hand form with the phrase, the “do’s and the don’t’s.”

The question cited above was not specific to any of the yamas or niyamas (the names of the first two stages: each has five aspects of what to avoid and what to do). But the combination of discussing the need for self-control and moderation in sexual matters with the goal of seeing all as the divine, and striving for transcendence through devotion and non-attachment: all of these aspects conjoined in a kind of “OMG!” (“O my God!”)

Paramhansa Yogananda, author of the classic Autobiography of a Yogi and the guru whose teachings I am privileged to share, stated in his own life story that he was, as a young boy, disconsolate at the unexpected and premature death of his (very holy) mother. Later in life, it was known that he had to absent himself from the presence of those close to him who were dying (in order that they might be “allowed to go”).

Was he, therefore, “attached” even though his disciples, such as myself, consider him to be the avatar (God-realized master) of this “new” age? Was he just faking it so we could relate to him as a human being, like ourselves?

To plumb of the depths of understanding of the human and divine nature of an avatar has puzzled devotees down through the ages. Did not Jesus Christ cry out from the cross, “Why hast Thou forsaken me?” And, knowing of his fate that night in the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus prayed, “Let this cup pass from me?”

We will return to the avatars in a minute. Let us, however, return to the ground zero of our own, everyday lives.

I’ve frequently thought to myself that the only perfect marriage on earth is one between two people who don’t need to be married at all! (Ok, so that’s partly a joke!) But my point, I think, you see clearly: marriage plays upon and preys upon the strengths and weaknesses, and the attraction and repulsion inherent between, two different individuals.  An unhealthy relationship is a co-dependent one. I’m no therapist and I wouldn’t want to pretend to define co-dependency, but from where I sit (on the sidelines), an unhealthy relationship is one where the boundaries are more than fuzzy between two people and where two people are consistently projecting their issues, their insecurities, and their needs onto one another. Put another way, we are speaking of two people who are not yet quite mature and not yet centered in their own self (Self).

Returning then to the question of non-attachment vs. love I think of what my own spiritual teacher, Swami Kriyananda, has said from time to time: (I paraphrase) “Impersonal love is impersonal with respect to my own desires; it is not cold or insensitive to the needs and well-being of others.”

So what this means is that I “love” another person not for what I get from him/her but for what I find in that person to be admirable, inspiring, worth emulating and worthy of consideration and practical service (without thought or expectation of personal return, acknowledgement or another other “quid pro quo”).

Is this TOO perfect? To, to…..as it were? Well, sure it is. Most love and family relationships are contractual: you do this; I do that. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours. We are merchants, in other words. And, society calls this “love?” Well society calls unabashed and uninhibited lust love too. So there!

Helicopter parents are generally considered to be loving and doting parents. But are they not perhaps simply projecting their own desires and insecurities onto their hapless children?

Would a parent not be a better parent by trying to objectively “tune-into” the child’s own nature, tendencies, and life directions without regard to his/her own? A highly educated and articulate parent might end up with an autistic child. Is this not all too common these days? Is not the spiritual purpose of this, at least in some small measure, perhaps, to help the parent to open his/her heart and serve this needful child unselfishly devoid of the usual hope and expectation that the child will “be a chip off the old block?”

Does not the typical teacher prefer the child who is attentive and obedient? Are not the rebellious or restless ones a tad bit too creative and troublesome? The files of school history are crammed with the stories of geniuses who were only recognized as such later in life (perhaps after overcoming whatever setbacks their education imposed upon them).

Are not the weekly tabloids which feature the marriages of the rich and famous strewn with the beautiful bodies of those who had great sex but a lousy marriage? Drug addiction, alcoholism, infidelity: are these not the fruits of such glamorous unions?

Well, for all of that, who can stem the tide of attraction between, say, men and women? Why bother to fight City Hall? We each have the right to learn our lessons our way: that is, the hard way! None of that, and indeed, all of that suggests that true love exists on a higher plane, even if it need not deny the magnetism of the lower.

Rather as marriage is a union of people, and as Self-realization is the union of body, mind and soul, so too a spiritual marriage can unite as parts of body, mind and soul. We just have to know what we are looking for and what actually works (brings greater fulfillment).

But, no matter how successful our marriage is or our relationship with our children, no relationship can fulfill the nature of the soul’s longing for omnipresence and onenesss. So long as our love is based upon differences we will be forced to play the part of the yo-yo, which is to say, the fool. As we love, so we suffer.

Interestingly, however, there is no way out EXCEPT to love. Jesus forgave a woman her sins and said, “For her sins, which are many, she is forgiven for she has loved much.”

We cannot find God by rejecting our brothers and sisters. Rather we must strive to perfect our love until it “becomes the perfect love of God.”[1]

That perfection includes seeing in all, seeing in the “other,” the Divine presence. It means loving that unique expression of God without condition, without contractual expectation. A tall order, of course. Jesus said, hanging from the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

We, who are far less than perfect as Jesus was, have plenty of reasons to “hang” without anyone crucifying us without cause! Yet, therefore, can we not forgive? Accept? Love without condition? Infidelity? Rebelliousness? Lack of charity? Rejection?

Do you see, now, perhaps, even a little more clearly, what we speak of? Yogananda grieved at the loss of his mother, for he was, at that point, a child. He didn’t pretend or need to pretend he was anything less. But in his overarching nature, to the degree he contacted it, he was free, in Bliss. The same holds true, at least potentially, for you and me.

Jesus suffered not for himself or his body but for those who lashed out at him and would suffer themselves on account of it.

We only need to try. Just like meditation. Just like the spiritual path at large. Non-attachment doesn’t mean to be impervious to pain, it means to strive to realize the Self which is beyond pain. It means to unite in one seamless experience both pain and transcendence, denying neither. The one is now, the other, eternally NOW. They co-exist only to the degree that they Co-Exist in our consciousness.

As Krishna says to Arjuna, his disciple, in the Bhagavad Gita, “Even a little bit of this practice, will save you from dire fires and colossal sufferings.”

Give your Self to God, to your Cosmic Beloved. See in all whom you love, the shining Face and perfection of your own true Self.

Blessings and joy to you,
Nayaswami Hriman


[1] This phrase is taken from the marriage ceremony written by Swami Kriyananda.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Yoga Sutras: a guide to meditation: Book 2 – Kriya Yoga


In Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras the first book, Samadhi Pada, focuses upon the state of Oneness born of meditative concentration. We turn now to Book Two, Sadhana Pada. It focuses on those actions and attitudes necessary to achieve samadhi.

In this blog series which attempts to explore practical aspects for meditation inspired by the Yoga Sutras, we find in the first stanza of book two the term “kriya yoga.” This term has been made famous through Paramhansa Yogananda’s life story, “Autobiography of a Yogi.” In it, he uses the term kriya yoga in reference to a specific meditation technique that characterizes his teachings and lineage. I have practiced kriya yoga for several decades and can attest to its transformative spiritual power.

However, the yoga sutras are not, per se, a book on how to meditate. Therefore a technique such as Kriya Yoga (as taught by Yogananda) is not going to be described and taught in such a “scripture.” In India we find the term “kriya” applying to a great many practices and techniques. Even in the kriya yoga lineage of Yogananda and the masters of Self-realization (Babaji, Lahiri Mahasay, and Swami Sri Yukteswar) we have navi kriya and talabia kriya, offshoot techniques supportive of the main technique of kriya.

The term “kriya” moreover is so generic that it could be translated to mean any “technique.” This is in contradistinction to the so-called paths of yoga such as Bhakti yoga (devotion), karma yoga (selfless service) and gyana yoga (study of self, of scripture, and concentration of the mind). Some might even say that the practice of any set of breath control techniques are the practice of “kriya yoga.” Hence the term, once removed from Yogananda’s lineage, can be a bit confusing.

Returning now to Stanza 1 of Book Two, we find that Patanjali describes the path of yoga (generally) as based upon purification, study, and giving the fruits of all action in devotion to God. This is strikingly similar to much of the message of Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita.

From our point of view in this series, what I find in this is the admonition to understand the value of a definite “sadhana.” By this is meant a method of meditation and consistency of meditation undertaken in a spirit of self-offering and purification of desires and attachments. Patanjali identifies that egoity, attachment, aversion and “clinging to life” are impediments to the release of our identity from objects of the senses and mental imagery that is necessary to achieve samadhi.

Many spiritually minded people rest content with good fellow feelings, and high ideals. This might include enjoying spiritual music (chanting, bhajans, mantras) or spiritual ritual or dance, or service in humanitarian causes, or intensive study and debate of fine scriptural or metaphysical points. Good works produce good karma. Good karma can balance out “bad” karma but even if it does it brings us to zero. Unless we use the zero point to transcend the dualities of the opposites and the dual qualities of nature, we will be drawn back into the maelstrom.

Unless we perceive that our ego cannot by itself release us from the ceaseless flux of the opposites and thereby we offer ourselves into a greater Power and Presence, we will not find release. Our peace meditative experiences will only relieve us of tedium or stress but will not free us.

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions” it has been well said. I have met or learned of many good, fine, virtuous and noble people. I have met many devotees who could be real “schmucks.” But virtue alone will not free us from the wheel of suffering and rebirth. To paraphrase Jesus, “She has loved much and her sins, though many, are forgiven.”

There must come a point when we actively, intensively, and “scientifically,” seek freedom from delusion. To do that we naturally seek the grace and power of God. This comes not in some vague way, as if calling the White House will connect us to the President, but through the agency of those incarnate souls who come to earth to help others and who are, themselves, already free. They thus know “the way” and have the power.

Such souls are few, relatively to the plethora of spiritual leaders and teachers. We ascend step by step by our own sincerity and self-purification to attract to ourselves, progressively, more advanced souls who can empower our journey.

Therefore, meditate with the desire for freedom; meditate seeking divine grace, power, and presence; meditate with surrender to the Infinite Power which, by whatever name or form, no name or form, we are inspired to address.

We need a specific, proven technique of meditation; we need an understanding of the meaning and goal of life that inspires us and is true; we need a teacher who is above the obstructing qualities of nature.

As Jesus Christ said it so well: “Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven, and its righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.” Never miss your daily appointment with the Divine within you and never fail to see that presence in all forms and circumstances, both agreeable and challenging.

Blessings to you,
Nayaswami Hriman

Monday, February 20, 2012

Yoga Sutras: a guide to meditation: What is concentration?


Book 1 of the Yoga Sutras is titled “Samadhi Pada” or an exposition of the state of meditative concentration which constitutes true meditation. We saw in an earlier blog article (on Stanza 2) that Patanjali, author of the Yoga Sutras, describes the state of yoga concentration (or meditation) as resulting from the cessation of the mind’s identification with, interest in, and feeling (like or dislike) response to its perceptions (whether in memory form, through current sense impressions, desires or imagination).

In this first book Patanjali is describing both the positive aspects of meditative concentration and the obstacles to that concentration. Meditation requires one to continually strive to disengage from thoughts and our emotional interest and response to these thoughts (here, thoughts include signals from the five senses and our response to them). Patanjali says success comes from “long and constant efforts with great love and desire for the goal.”

First we focus on detaching our response and interest in objects (called to our mind by desire, memory, etc.); then comes non-identification with the feeling states associated with objects (happiness, sadness, boredom, sleep).

We then go through various stages of meditation starting with interiorized contemplation which contains a mixture of intuition, reason, questioning and inner dialogue. This can reveal insights about objects, people, and of course ourselves and the very nature of cognition.

We proceed to the next level which is more purely intuitive and knowing. When we ascend beyond this stage we experience joy which is subtler because there’s no object under contemplation. Beyond joy, though without necessarily leaving it, is pure sense of Self, or I-ness.

These stages have yet higher octaves such as the experience of wonder and reverence; contemplation of God (or Higher Consciousness); pure Bliss; expansion of awareness beyond the body into space beyond the body.

The highest of such states, called Samadhi, merge the act of cognition with the object and the subject (Self). Called many things and described in countless ways down through the ages, this state goes beyond the intellect’s (and this writer’s) comprehension and ability to describe. I reference the reader to Paramhansa Yogananda’s poem, “Samadhi.” (It can be found in the original edition of his life story, “Autobiography of a Yogi.”)

Returning now to the process of concentration, Patanjali includes devotion to God (Iswara) as  meditation and especially meditation upon the “word” that manifests God, OM. Repetition (mental chanting) of OM, and meditation upon OM (heard in meditation) are particularly important forms of meditation.

Patanjali recommends meditation upon one object as the way to calm the breath and emotional disturbances which hinder meditation. Breath control techniques can speedily bring the mind under control.

Any form of meditation that accelerates or reveals the subtle astral senses can greatly help as well. Meditating on the inner light (seen in the forehead), meditation upon the heart center, meditation upon peace or pure happiness, or indeed “anything that appeals to one as good” — these are all forms of meditative concentration which will yield the progressive stages which lead to samadhi.

In essence and in conclusion, Patanjali is recommending that the meditator find a positive focus for meditation rather than only work on “fighting off” all distractions. Instruction in the methods is given by one’s teacher and especially one who is or represents a true teacher, or guru: one who, has himself, achieved the highest state of samadhi.

Blessings to you,

Nayaswami Hriman